Use Taint Paint's all natural mixture of bees wax,

coconut oil, almond oil and vitamin E to combat:

Mechanic’s ass
Trucker’s Butt
Chaped Chode
Torn up Taint
Athlete’s Chafe

Asshole Casserole
Diaper Rash (Both Infant and Elderly)
Farmer’s Crack
Swamp ass (Swass) and Crotch

Over Sexed Grundel
Raw Booty
Niagra Balls
Tender Haunches
-

And any other rubbed or sore area.

For External Use Only

While working in the hospitality industry at a large hotel, it came to my attention that many of the employees (including myself) would complain about the soreness caused by chaffing between the legs and taint area after a long day of running back and forth. During a regular shift, the ebb and flow of the work load would cause periods of heavy sweating and then down time, then heavy sweating, then down time, and so on. This constant cycle of dampness, then drying, would take its toll on the taint areas of everyone in my department. As the sweat dried it would leave behind salt crystals, which would then rub on the skin, thus causing irritation. People tried everything from powders, which would over dry, to oil based lubricants, which would over lube. There had to be some middle ground.

After much research and in depth interviews with individuals subjected to gratuitous amounts of chafe, (long distance runners, cage fighters, strippers, unicyclists, and unwashed hobos) I came up with the non stick, not too dry but not too greasy formula of Taint Paint. My only hope is that it can help to prevent the pain and irritability caused by Chapped Chode, Swamp Ass, or any one of the many other taint afflictions that impede hard working Americans every day. So whether you are at work, or at play, Taint Paint is there for you. I know this because I’m not only the inventor; I am a user as well.

- Ryan Jeppesen,
President, Taint Paint Inc.

©2007 Taint Paint